When we think of Dad, we picture his eyes softening with age and his attire shifting from a crisp suit to a golf shirt and khaki shorts. You see, Dad was both a visionary businessman and an avid golfer with an unstoppable drive to win. His quirky cleaning routines and signature catchphrases were a source of countless inside jokes.
When he passed, we wanted to honor him in a way that mirrored his one-of-a-kind spirit. Now, a decade later, I am still comforted when I recall how beautifully his services came together. Over the years, memories of my father’s final send-off have shaped my writing. In this piece, I would like to walk you through the steps of creating a personalized funeral service for your loved one—using my dad’s tribute as a guide.
Reflection
Taking time to reflect on the departed’s life provides valuable direction in the initial planning stages. How did they enjoy spending their leisure time? What achievements were they most proud of? What qualities truly made them them?
For Dad, his career was a big part of his identity—it gave him purpose and allowed him to afford us with opportunities. Family ultimately meant the most to him, but golf was a close runner-up. His generosity and willingness to help others always came with a lesson in self-reliance.
Capturing the essence of your loved one’s personality, values, and interests will be instrumental in laying the foundation for a meaningful service.
Treasured Photos and Tokens of Remembrance
Many funeral homes offer to put together photo boards and memorial videos. Selecting pictures that portray significant moments and milestones will allow guests to engage with the life well-lived. Including cherished mementos will add yet another layer of depth that resonates with those gathered.
My family found this experience surprisingly healing, reminiscing and even laughing as we chose photos and keepsakes. Everything was thoughtfully arranged at the service, beginning with Dad’s newborn photo alongside his bronzed baby shoes. The display flowed through his career as a funeral director, and later life, with treasured items like his golf clubs woven throughout.
I encourage you to think outside the box with this aspect of the service. You’re sharing a journey—so you will want to include the people, places, and passions that defined your loved one. Here is a list of items you may want to gather:
- Handwritten letters, cards, or recipes
- Awards or achievements
- Family heirlooms and clothing with special significance
- Favorite books or magazines
- Travel souvenirs
- Personal artwork or crafts
- Hobby items or musical instruments
- Sports memorabilia
Eulogists
A well-delivered eulogy goes beyond recounting the departed’s life—it conveys who the person was at their core, ensuring their legacy lives on. By incorporating familial traditions, cultural customs, and spiritual or religious, an unforgettable tribute can be crafted.
Worship leaders often deliver this message, but families may also ask a close family member or dear friend who was especially close to the deceased. Multiple speakers can help paint a fuller, more vivid picture of the departed.
My brother was the perfect choice to give Dad’s eulogy, balancing emotion with just the right amount of humor. I’ll never forget him sharing how Dad would insist on a “quick stop” for gas—despite a full tank—just for an excuse to get ice cream from the neighboring Dairy Queen.
When selecting someone for this role, bear in mind their emotional resilience and ability to remain composed. It can also be beneficial for the eulogist to talk with others to compile anecdotes and observations so the message feels inclusive and collective.
Special Participants
There may be opportunities to involve additional family members, friends, or colleagues who shared a special bond with your loved one to participate in the service. They can serve as pallbearers, read a passage or poem, or lead a moment of silence.
In our case, dad had specified who would fulfill these roles in his pre-planned funeral arrangement, which enabled us to focus on other details and eased our burden during an already challenging time.
Inviting individuals who were especially close to your loved one to contribute in a way that feels natural to them will help this part of the ceremony feel more personal and intimate.
Music
Music is a powerful part of a final goodbye, setting a poignant tone for a gathering that unites everyone in sorrow and love. The right music can feel like a voice from the past, bringing the departed’s spirit close one last time.
Many families find it useful to answer a few key questions when selecting music:
- Will the ceremony have a more solemn tone or a celebratory feel?
- What genres of music should be included?
- How can we incorporate my loved one’s musical tastes into the service?
- Should the music be live, recorded, or perhaps a mix of both?
We decided on traditional music for dad’s ceremony but added one song that felt like an anthem of his life: Small Town. Whenever I hear its lyrics about close-knit communities and hometown pride, I feel like he’s right beside me.
As you make song selections, listen not only for the melody but also for the story it tells.
Flowers
Funeral flowers can enhance a funeral home, place of worship, or other gathering space with tranquility and grace. Bouquets that reflect your loved one’s personality or tastes—whether it be their favorite blooms or a ribbon with a heartfelt message—add a meaningful touch to any ceremony. Florists can create exceptional designs, so feel free to do something out of the ordinary.
I distinctly remember dad’s casket spray made up of red carnations. My mother chose it because he liked to send others red carnations in their times of loss. There was also a display from his grandchildren next to his casket, shaped like his favorite treat—an ice cream cone.
While flowers bring beauty to the ceremony, you might think about inviting guests to make a donation in lieu of, or as an alternative to, flowers. The presence of just a few arrangements can contribute to a serene atmosphere.
Unexpected Details
It’s often the little extras that leave the deepest mark in our memories, making everyone feel connected to the person they’re saying goodbye to. Consider these idea’s to add authenticity and warmth to your loved one’s service.
- Dress the Part: Request that attendees wear the deceased’s favorite colors, sports team attire, or specific style of clothing.
- Storytelling Station: Set up a recording or video booth for family and friends to capture their favorite memories or stories.
- Keepsake Memory Quilt: Encourage guests to bring a fabric piece that reminds them of your loved one, to be sewn into a memory quilt.
- Interactive Tribute Wall: Provide a board where visitors can write messages and share personal thoughts.
- Memory Stones: Ask guests to inscribe small stones with a descriptive word that makes them think of your loved one.
Closing Thoughts
Though grief lessens over time, it never fully fades. Remembering how my own father was memorialized has provided me with lasting peace year after year. My sincere hope is that this guide empowers you to craft a tribute that embodies the heart and soul of your loved one so that you can take that first step on your path toward healing.
